Snubbed by a Third of My Readership

Oh mercy, I have received a boo plus from one of the two people who are not directly related to me that actually read this thing. So I don't blog with any sort of regularity, my life is so complacent right now that the usual tides of rage that awaken the sleeping writing beast within me have seceded.

Let us begin this tale of woe almost a week ago, ironically enough, on Good Friday. It was the last Friday I had to fast, not eating meat. All I had to do was think about my crucified Lord, eat a fish sandwich, and meditate on the suffering of a half man/half God because I sometimes fire off some baby batter in the shower and occasionally question the moral fortitude of those around me. Oh, and get drunk on big dirty pints of stout, and chew tobacco, and listen to the heavy metal, and consider running for political office, and not giving my tithes, and, well, you get the picture...

So, I am not the most devout follower of the Catholicism, but there are a few steadfast rules that I do not stray from. One of those is not eating meat on Friday. Last year, on a Friday during Lent, I ordered clam chowder. Halfway through the cup, the wife noticed a big piece of bacon on my spoon. "Well, fuck," I thought, "Now I'm going to be sodomized by pigs when I get to hell on top of all the other punishments." To atone for that, no more clam chowder, ever. Better safe than sorry.

Back to last Friday, Good Friday. I ordered a fish sandwich at a local bar. Sounded safe. I should have noticed something was amiss due to a giant piece of melted cheese right on top of the fish. I did not care, fasting had left me starving. I was halfway through the sandwich when a friend noticed that there were two strips of bacon concealed by the mound of cheese. My mind flashed with images of Warren Beatty as I picked the rest of the bacon off of what remained of my sandwich.

Come on, who in the hell puts a couple pieces of pork on a fish sandwich during Lent? Satanists, that's who.

I hope that this appeases the few people in Georgia who read this little slice of cyberspace. I probably won't be blogging with more frequency, since I just discovered the digital crack that is Facebook. Anybody want me to poke them?