The Morning Conversation

Word for word, what was spoken as I was getting dressed and the Wife was getting ready to use the bathroom:

C: How did you sleep?

W: Like a rock. You?

C: I kept having weird dreams and waking up?

W: What did you dream about?

C: You know that book, Indian In the Cupboard?

W: Did you dream that you were being attacked by midgets on scooters again?

C: No. I dreamt that I had the cupboard and was putting all kinds of weird shit in it.

W: Like what?

C: Well, dildos mostly.

W: Do you have an overwhelming fear of anal rape?

C: I don't think I am more afraid than any other guy.

W: Can you take the bus to work this morning?

And thus ended my morning at home.